As most already know I have been chronic for a number of years, six to be exact and despite being heavily medicated on Propranolol still suffer constant disequilibrium/imbalance on a daily basis. Often very few other symptoms but that remains. Another constant is that however imbalanced I may be indoors I am always worse outside. Outside I always find it difficult to look around. If I do I either veer, feel more off balance or simply queer. I was told years ago by VRT that I must always walk to a fixed point. I have long realised that has now become a fixed habit but continue to use it to get around. Turning my head on the move outside is always difficult, sometimes totally impossible. Bearing all this in mind the following incident appears to me as being of Considerable Significance although currently making sense of it still seems beyond me. Am rather hoping, a pretty forlorn hope I suspect, somebody may have an opportunity to mention it to some inspired medical professional who may be able to throw some light on it.
On the afternoon of Christmas Eve in both bright sun and a very brisk and cold wind (normally both triggers) we went for a walk. When I left the house I wasn’t feeling particularly good but insisted on going knowing it unlikely we would be out on Christmas Day due to the cookery burden that always involves. I was very pleasantly surprised to find walking much more comfortable than usual and even more pleased when I found I could easily turn my head left and right without bringing on increased symptoms and then, just as if I was stepping through the Looking Glass into Wellness, in the course of a couple of steps my constant imbalance which has been with me whilst in motion just stopped. Abruptly. Suddenly. Gone. An expression I really would prefer not to have to use but it’s the best description. My balance had reverted to ‘Normal’! Twice at each crossing I performed the Green Cross Code for the first time in years. I walked a figure 8 on the cycle-path to prove the difference to Him Indoors and I must admit I marvelled at the dramatic improvement. I also suddenly noticed a few minutes in to this experience that my vision, which is normally good, was suddenly extra sharp, extra bright and more 3D rather like putting on the new prescription specs first time. Father Christmas had indeed come early. We were out walking about 40 minutes maybe. When we entered our own property I positively bounded up the two sets of steps and remember thinking I felt exactly how I had felt before MAV turned chronic.
Of course it couldn’t last. Just as it had started in a step so it stopped within five minutes of me being back home. Instant and Total reversion to my exact previous baseline. It was sometime later Him Indoors reminded me that that wasn’t the first time this had happened. I’d completely forgotten but he’s correct. On three former occasions over the previous couple months something similar had happened. Much less dramatic and for half the time period but virtually the same the main difference being on all three occasions the dramatic changes occurred outside both start and finish.
Thinking back now the whole experience seems really odd but my question would have to be what can bring about such dramatic change. That’s what I want to know. As I said to Him Indoors I feel like I have found the lock. Now all I want is the key.
I was so glad I wasn’t out alone otherwise I might have subsequently convinced myself I’d dreamt it. It was real. It was the first time I have felt completely normal since this went chronic six years ago. What can give such a short sharp interlude of normality? What can cause such sudden and dramatic change. I have already run it past my own doctor who has gone away to think about it but before she did her answer was ‘Blood Flow’. And, as an afterthought, what, if any, is the connection to the fact 36 hours later I hit total collapse with the worst attack I have ever had, so far, since medicated.