Gosh, youāve got so much going on. Iāve sat in your seat because Iāve had my own personal experience in trying to get my head around chronic mav, return to a demanding career with scope for promotion and raise young children. I spent almost a year trying to return to work with the support of a great company doctor, gp etcā¦ And finally made the call to resign in 2017.
I learnt that trying to hold down a job with uncontrolled mav and raising two young kids with a super husband working full time was a stretch beyond what I was able to do physically and emotionally. In fact, it almost broke me mentally. Considering youāre back at work part time, this is a great achievement and you deserve a medal because youāve managed to move forward despite a lot.
But youāve got to really think about why you are driving to push forward with a big jump up in expectations and commitment. I think the fact that you already know on some level that it may not be the right thing now, is your body and mind raising a flag.
You must listen to this and to your supportive husband who has your best interests at heart, you are his partner and mother of his children so all he wants is the best for you. I lost a year trying to get back to work and it was awful for me and my family.
When I stepped back, it was the kindest thing Iāve ever done for myself, ever! Think about deferring for the year. Itās only a year and give yourself a gift of stepping back just for a while. Get the mav controlled as best you can and enjoy the time with your children. Time goes very fast.
Gosh you sound like many of usā¦ trying to make life decisions around such uncertainty in the future. All of us do not know how their MAV will play out, will we have long periods of recovery, relapses, etc.
I am a teacher. I returned to work (4 days this year) a couple of weeks ago after having 4 months off. Right now Iām feeling ok. Iām still having some brief off moments everyday, but Iām able to work in this demanding intense job well enoughā¦ for now.
My period also triggers worsening of symptoms. Early Jan they came back in full force during my period. But went away again. I think wait out the next couple of days, you may find you pick up again.
Iām playing the waiting game for BPPV to return as this is what I know sends me into awful chronic months.
What Iām trying to say is that Iāve taken the approach that once I was stable, I wasnāt going to let this condition stop me living life. Yes I stop when I need to (4 months), and if Iām having bad period days Iāll not work. But now Iām doing things I am capable of again. Iām also starting a 2 year uni course next week. So I have a lot on my plate but am doing things differently. Iām trying not to stress, Iām on meds/supps, Iāve cut caffeine and alcohol entirely, Iām not saying yes to extra commitments, Iām getting enough sleep. Things I wasnāt doing beforehand.
I also have young girls Iām raising, so I know exactly your position.
Everyone is struggling with different symptoms which vary in intensity. So for this reason no one can tell you what to do. Iām sure youāll make the right choice.
Iāve been a teacher/subbing/ college through all of this. I never missed a day of work or college. I have no idea how. Even in my worst times. I had a bad relapse this year during the summer and this year work was mostly virtually from home while on the computer which was horrible but I donāt think I would have been able to start the year off at work.
Yes sorry. How are you doing? I see you wrote that in another post so donāt reply. How did you go on screens for teaching? I find that hard for long periods.
Iām doing better with the computer since September. I never liked being on it even when I was doing well. But itās gotten better but itās just not pleasant. I wear blue blocking glasses and try to limit the brightness and take breaks from it. But overall it does exacerbate symptoms for sure
Hi Marianne, did you manage to complete your training? What was it that triggered your VM, specifically? Or was it the pressures and demands of the course?
Thank you so much for your reply @nin, I completely understand where youāre coming from and really appreciate your advice. Stepping back is a really difficult thing mentally isnāt it. I already have so many lifestyle changes in place and have made so much progress in the last 19 months - considering I couldnāt walk around my garden unaided back then! Itās strange, I havenāt really felt my VM was uncontrolled. I take a low dose of amitriptyline, avoid caffeine and MSG, take magnesium, I see my vestibular rehab physio regularly, I exercise. All of these things have given me so much of my life back. I work three days a week and find that Primary aged children, especially SEN children, are a vestibular rehab in themselves!! My husband is amazing, heās supportive anyway but has been utterly brilliant the last 19 months and I know itās been difficult for him. He has a demanding job in Investment Banking and does very long days but is always there when we need him. Youāre right, I think I have in my mind that may be this year isnāt the right year for doing my training, but I also have so many contrasting thoughts and feelings. What if I defer and am still not in a better place in a year? Should I leave my job and really dedicate the next year to myself and getting to a better place? If I do defer, my youngest will then be in Secondary so I would have less pressures in terms of not having to rush around so much doing school pick up and drop off etc so may be thatās best for us all? I feel like my head is in a consant conflict, trying to think about what to do! Iāve been pretty stable for the last few months, this week has been a reminder of what I try so hard to avoid. I gave up my Project Manager job in the City when I had my first daughter and have loved every single minute of being with my girls at home, youāre right, time does go so very fast. May be all of this is telling me that this last year and a half of Primary school is something to cherish while I can and hopefully next September things will be different and I can start to follow the path I have planned for and dreamed of for the past few years. Much to think about xx
Thanks so much @Belindy, great to have your insight. Iāve been lucky that I have been able to work hours around my girls - I work 9-3, 3 days a week and have minimal computer time. I find doing too much is a real trigger for my symptoms so I guess this has been one of my main concerns with doing the training. I want to work part-time once I am qualified as I said above, but I do have to get through the training year first and this is my concern. Iām under no illusion that part-time will be easy, I have parents who were both teachers, I understand the demands. But I love my job, I love working with this age group of children but I am bored, I need to progress now and want more responsibility and have really enjoyed the chances Iāve had to work with a whole class. I think what youāre doing is brilliant and it gives me hope that I will get there xx
Actually to be more correct, teacher training didnāt trigger my symptoms but rather flared the mild ones I was experiencing.
After a trauma to my inner ear after a train trip (itās my ENT hypothesis that this train trip triggered the 30% loss to my right inner ear), I was having short spinning vertigo attacks maybe twice a month. At the time, I thought I was just tired so I didnāt see any doctor and I started teacher training 3 months afterwards.
But then the stress and tiredness made my symptoms chronic. I guess teaching in a language thatās not mine, was too much for my brain. Too new too soon. The artificial light at school was to blame for this flare up and excacerbation of my symptoms, I feel. Plus the stress, of course.
I had to quit the training, (but also because I had not medical insurance and wanted to be close to my family back in France. Also my Boyfriend wanted to come back and saw this as a perfect star alignment )
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