Thanks ladies, it feels great (though don’t tell anyone I secretly keep a pair of pumps in my drawer!)
It is difficult to say whether it was the meds or the attitude. I still have MAV, I feel it everyday, I am not better but I am in no way as bad as I was.
The medication made me feel like I might as well be dying, I was truly rock bottom and just was ready to give up, there was no point to me anymore. I couldn’t cope before the meds and certainly couldn’t cope on them. I know it sounds melodramatic but its how I felt.
I’d always loved my life then one day I woke up and all of that was gone. Just like that someone flipped a switch in my life and took it away.
I couldn’t deal with it, and refused to change anything, wouldn’t even modify my diet.
But when I ended up in hospital because of my medication it cleared my mind. I had to come off the meds, and if that meant leaving work, loosing the house etc then that is what I would have to do and in truth it was liberating.
This is something you can’t fight, the more you fight the harder it becomes because the fighting itself makes it worse, if that makes sense.
It is so difficult to accept but accepting it doesn’t mean giving in. If you only had 1 leg you wouldn’t try to do the hurdles would you, if in a wheel chair would you try to climb the stairs?
I’m not saying that this acceptance makes it go away, but it’s got to help right? Take the pressure off yourself and things have to get easier?
I still contemplate trying other meds, I don’t want to give the impression that this is gone for me, I am still so low at my time of the month that I can barely stand and do wish I could live the life I used to, but whilst I can control it myself I will.
I hope you all get your heels back, but till you do celebrate the little things, a walk in the park, a night with friends whatever , I would love to hear about them.
Stay Calm, maybe you could try bereavement counselling, sounds silly but the path you go down accepting ill health is the same as accepting loss, your almost grieving for your old life. Really helped a friend of mine xxxx
PS sorry for such a long email