Definitely know the feeling. For quite some time after the accident that ramped my chronic migraine/vertigo up to disability level, I was prepared to say goodbye and allow my partner to be happy without me and go on with his life. I was not the same person, why would he want me? If we could not have the life we had before, what was the point? Why would I burden him in this way, even though he had been nothing less than totally supportive? My quality of life was so low, I had nothing to offer.
It was pointed out to me that this was not my choice alone to make. Like mine, your family likely loves you very much and values your presence, and needs you, even if you can’t do everything you once did. Believe me, I feel like a failure as a partner, but it seems I have some worth that is unrelated to my ability to make a living or to being thin, athletic, good-looking and socially outgoing like I used to be.
What definitely was hard for my partner was to see me crying all the time. So, whatever one can do to find a more hopeful perspective is necessary. For me this was time and finding some drugs that worked a little better, and just managing my expectations of myself. Others recommending therapy are wise, perhaps especially a practitioner who specializes in chronic pain.
While it may feel hard to see right now, things will get better. You may well have improvement of your symptoms with good medical care. While the trial and error of drug treatment can be stressful, it is the standard treatment route for this illness, and there are some powerful options available. Also, it’s possible to have a more hopeful outlook on your life even if nothing changes—you can come to more acceptance of your situation and its limitations, and stop fighting it as much.
Definitely not a one-way road: last week I was feeling melancholy and was thinking again that I am a useless partner and how can this go on. Fortunately he is good-humoured and we were able to laugh about it and I was reminded I that I do not get to single-handedly decide to improve his life by taking myself out of it. Your family loves you and needs you around. They may not be able to really understand what you are feeling, but they love you.
By the way, don’t worry too much about your extended family. Someone needs to tell them that you have a serious neurological ilness that is exacerbated by noise and crowds.