It’s my husband’s b-day today. Third b-day of his with me being ill. I really wanted to celebrate his b-day, despite feeling so ill. Yesterday I had some family over and cooked. I can cook if I do it VERY GRADUALLY, and lean on everything I possible can. I generally love to cook, but cooking and feeling so sick is definitely not fun at all. I was, though, very happy that I did it. Then, tonight I decided that we should go out to dinner. We used to go out a lot, but now it is the most awful feeling in the world. I do a little better outside, so I picked a restaurant with outdoor seating. It is such a chore to go out to dinner. Firstly, getting dressed is so difficult. Just lifting one leg and then the other to get into a pair of pants is so difficult with all the rocking. Don’t get me wrong - I don’t usually walk around naked 
– but I put on something very comfortable and stay in it all day. And, then my husband has to drop me off right in front of restaurant, and then the hardest part is walking to the table. I almost burst into tears right then and there. I hate when the server seats me, as I feel so much dizzier walking next to someone. I cannot even walk next to my husband. Then the table was subtly rocking the whole time. I cannot focus on anything, and then at the end it is so difficult to walk back to the car, where my husband has to pick me up again. Now I’m home and just want to cry, but I’m trying to refrain as it is my husband’s b-day and I cry almost everyday. I just miss the days when going out to dinner used to be fun. I hate thinking of every little thing, like how in the world am I going to walk to the dinner table. I just feel so disheartened every time I do something. Do others feel this way, or do you just accept that this is your life at the time, and expect to feel miserable at this moment? I’m just always yearning for my “old life.” I wish I knew how good I had it then - I would have had a lot more fun! Sorry for the whine. I just MISS MISS MISS my old life, and hate this new dizzy world I live in right now.
— Begin quote from “MAVLisa”
It’s my husband’s b-day today. Third b-day of his with me being ill. I really wanted to celebrate his b-day, despite feeling so ill. Yesterday I had some family over and cooked. I can cook if I do it VERY GRADUALLY, and lean on everything I possible can. I generally love to cook, but cooking and feeling so sick is definitely not fun at all. I was, though, very happy that I did it. Then, tonight I decided that we should go out to dinner. We used to go out a lot, but now it is the most awful feeling in the world. I do a little better outside, so I picked a restaurant with outdoor seating. It is such a chore to go out to dinner. Firstly, getting dressed is so difficult. Just lifting one leg and then the other to get into a pair of pants is so difficult with all the rocking. Don’t get me wrong - I don’t usually walk around naked – but I put on something very comfortable and stay in it all day. And, then my husband has to drop me off right in front of restaurant, and then the hardest part is walking to the table. I almost burst into tears right then and there. I hate when the server seats me, as I feel so much dizzier walking next to someone. I cannot even walk next to my husband. Then the table was subtly rocking the whole time. I cannot focus on anything, and then at the end it is so difficult to walk back to the car, where my husband has to pick me up again. Now I’m home and just want to cry, but I’m trying to refrain as it is my husband’s b-day and I cry almost everyday. I just miss the days when going out to dinner used to be fun. I hate thinking of every little thing, like how in the world am I going to walk to the dinner table. I just feel so disheartened every time I do something. Do others feel this way, or do you just accept that this is your life at the time, and expect to feel miserable at this moment? I’m just always yearning for my “old life.” I wish I knew how good I had it then - I would have had a lot more fun! Sorry for the whine. I just MISS MISS MISS my old life, and hate this new dizzy world I live in right now.
— End quote
I do know how you feel and some days are just better than others. My dizziness is much better than it was this time last year but all the other symptoms I have make life pretty boring. At first I was just learning to except it but there are times when I look around and just would like to go back in time for a time period to be the person I once was in my prior life.
I know you are so much younger than I am so therefore I got to live my life pretty normal at your age and I feel so bad that you are having such a rough time.
You will see Dr Rauch this week and maybe he can help you look forward to a better time somewhere in the near future. Plus I know the pregnancy brings the emotions of everything to the surface which is probably just making you that much more emotional right now.
Try to find a positive is there anything you can do that makes you feel any better if so do it…
Next time maybe just fix a nice dinner at home, do not push yourself when you are feeling this bad.
Hopefully Tuesday will lend you some good news.
Hi Lisa. I am so sorry to hear about your continued struggles and missing out on life. It really is tough to do some of the simple things in life that I know that I definitely took for granted. My real hope is that others here have gotten better and I continue to believe that we will too, although I wish it would be soon! I too continue to get very frustrated and find it difficult to accept that this condition dictates most of my schedule. I missed my brother’s bachelor party last night (just a Phillies game and dinner) and my frustration is compounded by the fact that some of my family still don’t understand the severity of my issues at times. I just keep believing that it has to get better and when i does I am not taking anything for granted! I wish you the best and good luck with Dr Rauch on Tuesday. Ben
Ben and Timeless - thanks so much for the kind words.
Lisa: I am so sorry to hear of your unhappiness and frustration. You should be feeling thrilled about the upcoming baby. I assume your hormones are probably greatly influencing your MAV and moods. The Heal You Headache book does give suggestions about going out to dinner … such as sitting in a booth so as to drown out alot of the noise and movant in the restarant, etc. Just take it one small step at a time. Hopefully Dr. Rauch will give you some hope and support.
Thinking of you and hoping things get better.
Joan
Joan - The pregnancy definitely made things worse, but i’ve been suffering terribly everyday for 2 years, and I’ve been emotional since I got this illness. This illness has led to such sadness for me. I know the second this goes away, I will be happy,. I can’t wait for that to happen. good advice about the restaurants. I have to look at heal your headache again. I used to read it all the time, but I got frustrated after I saw Dr. Buchholtz. He is quite arrogant.
Lisa, I am sorry to hear of your struggles and it would be easy to say just hang in there, but I will honestly tell you to take one step at a time, for that is essential. It is far too easy to think ahead and try to do too much or wish you could be as you once were. Right now, that is not possible, but it doesn’t mean that you as a person NOW aren’t lovely as you are and can’t look forward to better days. You are, afterall, going to have a child, and while that brings struggles with it, it also brings great joy and years of happiness and love to share with all. I agree that your horomones are going to play havoc on you, not just with your pregnancy, but with your MAV. Be aware of this and know that there will be days that you may feel depressed, unhappy, and wondering how you can handle things day to day. I know I feel like that on occasion. Know that you are not alone; certainly many of us here can relate and/or provide the cyber shoulder that we’ve all needed from time to time. (Thank God for this site, I often say!) Don’t push yourself too hard or punish yourself for not being able to do everything that you, or anyone else for that matter, want to. It is important to pace yourself. Do what you can, when you can, and know with time, and meds if you can handle them, and support, you can get through this. I’ve envyed those who have a husband/wife, for they at least have a partner to help them through the hard times with MAV, but I also know it is a double-edged sword so to speak. Sometimes family can be another obstacle in the MAV struggle, no matter how supportive they want to be. All I can say is enjoy the fact that you have something to look forward to (a baby) and share with your husband. It will indeed make the darker days brighter.
Best, Bonnie
PS> Remind me of these supportive words later when I have my down days - I’ve been having more than less lately! 
Hey Lisa,
That was incredibly brave of you to try to eat out on your husband’s birthday. I can totally identify with so much of what you have written, but I don’t have the guts yet to put myself in a situation where there is not an easy escape… supermarket,yes, fine dining, no:-( I can totally relate to how demoralizing this must have been for you. How did your husband respond to his birthday dinner and knowing how much you suffered? I am so glad you are seeing Dr. Rauch this week and am looking forward to hearing how your appointment goes and his suggestions. Hang in there for now…
Warmest,
Lisa
Bonnie - thank you for your incredibly kind words. I am so grateful for thism site. I am very lucky to have a supportive husband. Just wish I could enjoy my time with him.
Lisa - It is quite demoralizing like you said, and just darn right depressing. I have to really think that this is just for now and will only get better, but I just don’t believe it yet. I wish I did. My husband, thankfully, is very supportive. He didn’t react much at dinner. Some how he keeps his spirits up despite how sick and sad I am. He is just so positive that I’ll get better. I wish I could share in his optimism.
I too can totally relate to what you’re feeling. I tried to go out to dinner with my husband a couple of weeks ago. It sounded almost exactly like your meal. We ate outside & he dropped me off right at the door. I practically ran to the table & had to sit slumped down in my seat the whole time. I felt so miserable I couldn’t even enjoy the meal or quiet time without the kids. I HATE what this illness has done to me & like you cry almost everyday to have my old life back. You take for health for granted until it’s gone. My daughter prays every night before bed that I will get better & every morning she runs in and asks me “are you better yet?” It is heartbreaking. I’m sorry I can’t be of much encouragement right now but in some weird way it helps to know there are people going through the same things as I am. I’m not crazy! Well I hope that you feel better as you get into your 2nd trimester & I wish you well at your appt with Dr Rauch.