Life goes on

Hi everyone

Haven’t been here for a while. Just catching up with everyone. Well yes, life goes on doesn’t it and for those of us with MAV, as Timeless pointed out in a recent post, it isn’t always easy to negotiate our way around the necessities. It’s been that way with me over the last three months.

First of all Dad, who is 84, had a major operation and lived with us for 6 weeks recuperating. Don’t get me wrong, I loved having him around and being able to care for him (he lives about 4 hours travel away) but not being able to take things easy when I needed to was very hard and messed up my coping mechanisms badly and I paid heavily for it in MAV terms.

Just as Dad was almost ready to go home, we had the news that my 53 year old brother had died. It sounds awful but apart from the emotional fallout and devestating sadness, I was so concerned as to how I was going to cope with the four hour journey to the funeral and then back again, let alone the funeral itself and family gathering afterwards. We stayed overnight but even that was an enormous hurdle for me - no control whatsoever over environmental triggers, it was a migraineurs nightmare.

Anyway, somehow I did it. Two days after the funeral my husband had to go abroad for a week. Another hurdle! So scary being on your own when you’re dizzy. After he’d gone I just crashed out. Spent four days hardly moving off the couch except to get food. Never felt so tired or heavy headed in my entire life. I’m sort of back to baseline now.

Next big thing to face is in November when my 21 year old son is posted to Afghanistan. He rang yesterday to say that a guy in his platoon who was already out there had been killed while on foot patrol.

Life goes on, doesn’t it …

Brenda

Brenda,
I am so sorry for the loss of your brother and all the stresses you have been dealing with outside of MAV. I am also sorry for your continued MAV. Life is just so unfair sometimes. Hang in the best you can during this difficult time.
Warmest regards,
lisa

Brenda,

I’m so very sorry for all your struggles and for the loss of your brother. I can completely relate to what you’re saying in terms of the hardship in taking part in events that we must go to. certainly seems like travel and stress, etc., is a trigger for you, as it is for many of us. I wish you much better days. I, too, wish that the world would just stop until we get better, but sadly that isn’t the case. This illness and life just isn’t fair at all.
Lisa

Thank you so much, MAVNY and MAVlisa. The thing about sharing on this board is that you just know people understand, which is so comforting and validating at times. Yes, travel and stress are my biggies - but over the years, although I do have my moments of despair, I have learnt (after having a cry and a pity me party!) to not be so hard on myself or care what others think, but to tell myself “Ok, it was hard but you did it girl!” No-one else may know what it cost me but myself but because I did what I had to do I can be proud of my achievement. Mentally that is quite empowering.

I know you both have your own trials at the moment, so I wish you both well in those. Now I’m back I shall be watching your progress with interest. Trust that better days are ahead for both of you. I’m not great right now but I sure am a lot better than I used to be. So live in hope. :0)

Brenda

In this life we now lead it seems as though “our” lives are forever changed and being able to handle the everyday goings on is more than many of us can handle . But then add to that the extra stresses of life and it just seems as though it all can come crashing down in a moments time without warning. But somehow our inner being keeps us pushing forward no matter what the task .

Brenda I am so sorry that you have been having such a hard time these past several months and I am so sorry for your loss. May you know that are those out here that care and will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

Brenda, we don’t know each other…I’m MJ. I am so sorry for your loss and your burden, but what a truly a strong and courageous woman. You’re right. Life keeps going on/it is what it is… Pacing ourselves and keeping up with our boundaries and pushing them just enough to maybe make some progress.

I also have a son leaving for Afghanistan in November from Fort Riley - and another leaving for Navy boot camp in Mid-November.

MJ

Benda and MJ,

Know that I will keep both of your son’s in my prayers as they leave to defend our country. We can never repay the sacrifices that they or their families make …all I can do is say thank you. My husband was in the Marines many years ago before we ever met…it is one his proudest accomplishments. Be proud of them and know that I will keep them in my prayers.

Timeless

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In this life we now lead it seems as though “our” lives are forever changed and being able to handle the everyday goings on is more than many of us can handle. But somehow our inner being keeps us pushing forward no matter what the task .

— End quote

Timeless - I think you’re so right. Somehow I think we’re always stronger than we think we are. And often that strength comes out when our backs are against the wall, as happens so frequently with all of us on this board. Good to remember that innately we can cope with a lot more than we imagine we can.

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Know that I will keep both of your son’s in my prayers as they leave to defend our country. Be proud of them and know that I will keep them in my prayers.

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I was so touched when I read this. It means so much. Thank you.

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Brenda, we don’t know each other…I’m MJ. I am so sorry for your loss and your burden …You’re right. Life keeps going on/it is what it is… Pacing ourselves and keeping up with our boundaries and pushing them just enough to maybe make some progress.

— End quote

Thanks MJ. Yes, it’s knowing when to stop and when to push through, that’s what we have to learn. I have to say I have enjoyed reading all your posts, your wit amuses me no end and has often given me a smile when I’ve felt down. Do you write professionally?

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I also have a son leaving for Afghanistan in November from Fort Riley - and another leaving for Navy boot camp in Mid-November.

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I actually cried when I read this. I suppose it was just as one mother to another with sons going off to war. As they’re going around the same time be assured I’ll be thinking of your boy as well as my own. Also for your other son. Somehow it’s really helped for you to share. Thank you.

Brenda

Thanks MJ. Yes, it’s knowing when to stop and when to push through, that’s what we have to learn. I have to say I have enjoyed reading all your posts, your wit amuses me no end and has often given me a smile when I’ve felt down. Do you write professionally?

I actually cried when I read this. I suppose it was just as one mother to another with sons going off to war. As they’re going around the same time be assured I’ll be thinking of your boy as well as my own. Also for your other son. Somehow it’s really helped for you to share. Thank you.

Brenda >>

Our oldest son joined the Army as a means of survival, for a college education, knowing that he was gambling with his life. He signed up for 8 years though 4 would have assured his education. He is not physically inclined like many you see out there…but he is a valuable asset in that he lives,eats and breathes numbers. Afghanistan is such an awful place for him to be…but he is considered ‘protected personnel’ given that he’ll be there minding our boys’ till, making sure they’re paid for their sacrifices. He just married in September, right before he was stationed at Fort Riley. There is no end to whom we pray for when it comes to our military men.

Our second son chose the Navy. He scored a 96 on his ASVAP (or is that ASVAB). They wanted him for engineering - but he opted, instead, to be a sub-sonar tech. He is both anxious to join and anxious about the impact of his chosen field. His will be responsible for the safety of many, many men.

I think we cry together because we recognize OUR own sacrifice to this country and countries in trouble. While we are not the ones who’ve offered their lives for such service, we raised our children to believe in something bigger than themselves. There’s no small measure of compassion and courage in the man-child who chooses this life for himself. We cry to both celebrate and mourn the instilling of such qualities in our ‘babies’.

I used to write professionally - freelance. Been a long time, though - and certainly, I wouldn’t go by thiese entries as I take very little time to edit. I do appreciate the compliment. Maybe I need to start writing again.

MJ

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we raised our children to believe in something bigger than themselves. There’s no small measure of compassion and courage in the man-child who chooses this life for himself. We cry to both celebrate and mourn the instilling of such qualities in our ‘babies’.

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Well put MJ.

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Maybe I need to start writing again.

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I think it’s a waste of a talent if you don’t! :slight_smile:

Brenda