I would really like advice on how to get your partner to understand what you are going through. Do any of you have switched on other halves who ‘get it’ and see your suffering? If so, how did you get them there? I know it’s being sexist but I would be particularly interested in hearing from anyone who has managed to get through to a husband or boyfriend that just because you can still manage to get through a day at work and cook dinner and get kids to bed etc each day doesn’t mean everything is OK. Especially if you achieved success without being a constant moaning nagging cow. Is there a way?
My husband lives with his head in the sand and I feel that him not knowing how crap I am feeling has created a big barrier between us. When I first got ill I asked him to read some things on the labs site and he goes to appointments with me, but it all dragged on so long and I saw so many different people before I got the MAV diagnosis that I don’t know if he actually could name what is wrong with me.
I also question whether he believes it is real. He recently took on a personal project which means he is out a lot at the moment and took various factors into consideration before embarking on it, but my illness was not one of them. He talked over the difficulties with a friend but didn’t mention that his wife is ill. If I had a more common illness I think he would have.
He also says he supports me (emotionally) if I want to go part- time at work but says I must continue to earn at least as much as he does for us to get by. Financially, he is probably right but it doesn’t leave me feeling I have much choice.
He also never asks how I am feeling or if I might find something difficult. He has never asked what it is like. It makes me feel alone. Sometimes I think I should give him a shock by refusing to get out of bed for a week but much as I would like to shake him up a bit I don’t want to worry my kids.
Sorry about the self pitying nature of this post. It is because on the surface I appear to cope so marvellously, that I need a little space to feel sorry for myself once in a while.I also don’t really want him to know quite how low I feel sometimes as I am a bit ashamed I suppose. He doesn’t understand anxiety or depression.
Are any of you struggling to get through to loved ones? What is the best way to educate without scaring and depressing the one you love?