Shoved to ground; looking for advice

I was shoved to the ground by my 31 year old brother after an altercation. I am 26 years old.

The context is fairly important I have been dealing with sound induced vertigo, nausea and dizziness as a result of a brain tumor that was removed 3.5 years ago. Unfortunately, it has been hard to socialize with friends for the past 3.5 years. However, I do try to contact friends every few months. I also socialize a bit at work. Although it isn’t easy as the symptoms are quite harsh.

For the past month my brother has been forcing me to try to contact and hang out with some friends. I admire that he wants me to socialize. Unfortunately, 90% of the time I just want to relax and rest. When I have the odd day that I feel half decent I try to spend more time at work or go to the gym.

He pesters me all the time and tells me I am basically a failure and that “maybe I will socialize in when I am 40”. In response I said, I will make an effort to contact someone when I have a few consistent days where i feel good. Sadly, I haven’t had many days like this in the past few weeks so I haven’t bothered.

So generally when I see him he shouts at me at and says “[you] have to move on with your life” “You’ve always been like this” “Learn to live with it”

My response is that it is very hard to deal with the symptoms and they bother me a lot to the point that I just want to relax. It was really hard putting this summary together, as I am still dizzy and nauseated.

A few days a go we had a long argument that was initiated by him. He demanded that I email a friend right away. He threatened to mark every day that I failed to do this on a calendar.

I took the calendar away from him and said I needed to use the bathroom and we could continue this discussion after I finished.

Unfortunately, he barged right into the bathroom and pestered me from the opened door. I told him to leave me alone and tried to close the door. He opened it right back up and tried to intimidate me.

Here’s where I may of messed up. I grabbed his shoulder and pushed him away from the door so he stood a few feet away.

He angrily said, “Don’t ever touch me!”. Then he punched me 2-3 times and pushed me to the ground. I suffered pretty bad nausea and dizziness after that.

Afterwords he told me I bruised his shoulder. He showed me a small red mark. I apologised and asked him he understood why I did that. He didn’t think what I did was justified and thought what he did was.

Finally, I told him I would text my friend. He acted all nice and tried to coach me into how I should approach texting my friend. I told him I knew what I wanted to say. He continued anyway and then left.

I’d love to hear someone else’s thoughts on this ordeal.

Ok well this is just my opinion, and I am not qualified in any sense to tell another person what to do about their familial or medical issues. Others may disagree with me, but here’s how I feel about what you posted:

It sounds like your relationship with your brother is not healthy. If I were you, I would think about whether it is worthwhile interacting with him so much. If it’s unavoidable, such as if you live in the same house, then I would try to get someone else in the family to intervene. I would feel that it is inappropriate for someone to tell me so forcefully what I should and shouldn’t be doing. I mean, it’s not like you’re abusing drugs or committing crimes. You’re just trying to convalesce. Yes, socializing is important in that it helps to have as big of a social support network as possible, and to carry on as normal a life as you feel that you can handle. But if you feel that you can’t handle that now, your feeling should be respected.

About the altercation: If you left a mark on your brother, then maybe you did grab and push him too forcefully. But for him to react as he did would suggest to me that he does not respect you and the struggle you are going through. I find it tough to maintain a positive state of mind, and I know a lot of other people here feel the same way, at least at times. Personally, I struggle with anxiety about all of this. It’s imperative we take care of our mental health and that we surround ourselves with people who can help us do that.