Well, yesterday I stayed on the straight and narrow and didn’t eat anything strange. The worst thing I did was go on a 30 minute moderate-paced walk with my Mom that didn’t leave me feeling “worked out” at all like they do in Sydney and which can consequently bring me to my knees. It was just a walk. But out of the blue last night about 2 hours after dinner I started feeling all woozy and then disorientated on the computer and then jacked up. The wooz passed and then I was just jacked up. Off to bed I went at nearly 3 AM (jet lagged) knowing it was going to be rough and here I am awake at 5:20 AM again feeling like I’ve been drugged with LSD. My head hurts, my stomach is FREAKING out with noise (but no pain) and I get totally crazy aimless thoughts and see patterns in my “sleep” and then wake thinking about just ending it all upon waking. This awful thought passes once I sit up and feel somewhat grounded again. I seriously am starting to feel completely mental sometimes.
With it all has come a ton of paranoia such as:
– Paxil is doing me in causing these mad thought patterns and jacking me up again.
– I’ve been taking way too much valium lately (but no more than 2.5 mg in a day really) and I have started wondering if I’m becoming dependent on it (unlikely I know). I seem to feel this freaked out crap 24 h after my last dose lately.
– or is this just all MAV gone ballistic due to a complete an utter homeostatsis cluster**** from all the sleep disturbance (and lack thereof), jet lag and different environment and foods.
The evidence suggests (I’m trying to be rational in my tripped out state) that it is probably just the travel doing this – and it’s just heavy fallout which should come good if I don’t do anything stupid. There is no good reason for my stomach to be freaking out like this now. It’s the canary in a coal mine.
Honestly, it seems like travelling is getting more difficult and not easier as time rolls on with this miserable condition. I’m seriously over being tagged with this freak condition. :evil: Victoria, can you relate to anything I’ve written above from your travels? You and I both seem to get the “mental” stuff pretty heavily when this thing crashes the party like this.
I can’t talk about paxil or anything, but there’s no way really that 2.5mg a day would cause much dependance. To compare, 1mg of klonopin (which for most isnt very addictive/dependancy causing) is equal to 20mg of valium. 2,5mg is nothing, so don’t worry about that.
Paxil can cause strange stuff but I see various possibilites. Either:
A. Paxil is solely responsible for you feeling crap
B. Paxil has temporarily made you more sensitive, and with the combination of jetlag and paxil you’re just at a temporary BAD place
C. Paxil has nothing to do with it, it’s all because of the jetlag.
B and C sounds much more probably to me, though I know from firsthand experience that its almost unavoidable to think something like this when you’re in that place:
Paxil is causing my condition to deteriorate, possibly for a long time.
Really hope you get to feel better once the jetlag subsides, so you can enjoy your holiday.
Hang in Scott. I also think it sounds more likely that the travel has caught up with you and it will get better in time. That was a heck of a trip for someone with this dreaded condition. The only travel I have done since this started is in the car within the same time zone, so I can’t even imagine an airplane trip spanning several times zones, as well as the stress of a different country! Good luck and try to lay low for a few days. Ben
Hi Scott,
Sorry you are feeling so horrible now that you finally made it to your last destination. I fully agree with Mikael and Ben about this most likely being a result of your superhuman travel with MAV.
And, I just want to say one more thing (again)… the fact that you even respond a bit to a teeny 2.5 mg dose of valium in any way…maybe, just maybe, ya gotta give in and go with a benzo (regularly and in higher doses) to get rid of MAV??? If Paxil doesn’t work out (which i really hope it will), maybe this should be your next step??? You obviously tolerate it okay and that is half the battle as we know.
Just a thought given all your trials and how long you have been suffering. You know this as well as me that benzos when used properly can really help and not cause people to turn into addicts.
I do hope things subside for you and you can feel better soon!
Lisa
I can certainly vouch that MAV can cause all sorts of bizarre sxs. wouldn’t be surprised if the travel,. etc. , triggered exacerbation of MAV for a short time. This illness is just so confusing. It can literally bring you to your knees.
Perhaps you will need some additional rest for a period of time and then this will even out for a bit. I am so sorry you are having a rough time with your vacation home that must be so very hard to not be able to enjoy yourself.
Hopefully this will settle for the rest of your visit and will you have some down time when you return home?
Sounds like a bloody shit-show and I’m sorry to hear it. I would put it down to jetlag though mate, not paxil. I have to admit your sx are very strange, in fact quite different to mine as I’m dizzy all the time. I know it throws a spanner into the wheel, but is it worth looking into other things that could be causing this but MAV? When did you last have an evaluation? It’s just you have been dealing with this shit for years man and I would hate for you to have missed a trick (which I doubt you have as you are very thorough).
I sure can relate to a lot of what’s going on for you.
When I was last MAVing out of control it was just getting worse and worse and worse everyday so on top of all that I’d start to freak out thinking “Christ, how can this keep getting worse?!” as well as depressed thinking “Christ this sux and it’s just getting worse”. I was literally housebound and that is no life indeed.
Then, when I started on the Prothiaden, despite Halmagyi telling me to wait at least three weeks, I was hoping for an instant miracle but actually got WORSE for several days. All the symptoms you describe plus a whole lot of other horrible stuff (lets not even revisit there right now).
Having said all that, as you know, I’m now pretty good most of the time. I get odd bits and pieces sometimes and other times I get some more serious MAV stuff (like recently) but it’s nowhere near as bad as it has been pre-medication. When it gets too uncomfortable (like yesterday) I take 2.5mg of Valium and all is good with the world.
My recent troubles I blame on travelling (both the jet lag. lack of sleep and the change in general) and on getting really sick with a gastro bug. So from my own experience it’s:
Not the Paxil
Not the Valium - 2.5mg is nothing
It is the jet lag and the travelling in general - remember it’s a different season too and the weather can be a trigger .
For the sudden doominess can I suggest very deep breathing, distracting yourself if possible (something light on TV?) or quick Valium. Mine often take the form of a surge of cold terror that I am going to die. As I will (eventually) die I think this is perfectly rational. But still terrifying. Thank Science for Valium!
It’s Wednesday afternoon here in Toronto and I’m now getting the FULL brunt of this MAV storm. If this is a hurricane, it’s at full intensity right now and category 5 – head pain, tons of dysequilibrium, feeling like a stunned mullet as though I’ve been clubbed in the side of the head, unable to do very much or visit anyone; stringing a sentence together is hard work. Engaging in any conversation beyond the trivial falls into the “too hard basket”. Nonetheless, I’m not going to sit around and mope … take it easy, yes, but I’m still going out to do things and hang out with my mother. This time is way to precious to let MAV screw it up. I’ve travelled too far.
Lisa, while I don’t want to take a benzo daily for the rest of my days, I am going to hit it again now while this time zone adjustment is taking place. i’m confident this storm will pass if I don’t screw anything up by pushing myself. Sometimes I feel like I have a very clear perspective on what’s going on (unlike yesterday) and this is following the exact same pattern as last year. OK for the first two days and then trashed thereafter. My mother has some lorazepam in the house (Ativan) and have just had a small hit. What I didn’t realise is that this benzo also has anti-convulsant properties. Hain also recommends this one @ 0.5 mg BID. I’m trying 0.25 mg now. I’ve also bumped up the Paxil. If Paxil kicks in like Cipramil did, I won’t need a benzo.
Luke – I seriously am amazed that you can fly around all over the shop and climb mountains and not get totally trashed to the point of being non-functional. I guess we all get hit in different ways and at different intensities though. Good on you for not stopping despite feeling so crappy.
Good luck Scott; hang in and try to enjoy the time with your family. Ativan has been the choice for me after trying klonopin (didnt really do much and made me groggy at times) and valium (gives me a headache). I limit it to .5 mg as needed, which is a few times a week. Ben
Hey Scott,
Really sucks that you are feeling so trashed at this point of your holiday. I am sorry about this.
Just so you know ALL BENZOS act as anti-convulsants. Clonazepam is still used in this regard with some patients to control seizures (at way higher doses than is used for MAV). They act to “calm” the brain.
Try to rest as much and make the best of your time with your mom.
As far as travel…i most always need a day or two to recoup after returning home from a Jet trip… to relax my body and just try to get my head to feel more at ease again. Also…as i recall …when i was on Paxil for about 2 weeks (early 1990’s) i really felt awful…and at times felt like i was on a halucinac drug. The SSRI’s were never a good choice for me.
Well, I’ve really had a gut full of this now. Yesterday I bumped up Paxil to 5 mg and my God did it jack me up or what? Holy hell batman. On top of that it produces a low-level insidious depression/unease/can’t be bothered about my life feeling – and this is my bloody holiday where normally I’d be overflowing with excitement! I seriously get now how when some people with a serious case of depression start some of these SSRIs will wind up topping themselves. Honestly, I have a very hard time believing this can magically turn around and I’ll feel wonderful or at least normal on this stuff. It feels more like the dagger is being stuck in a little deeper every day (now day 12). It’s giving me a chronic low-grade headache as well (I’m eating ZERO trigger foods since the banana cake party Sunday).
Travelling and trialling a med is not good that’s for sure (Luke, you’re like a Gladiator man climbing mountains on Dopamax) but I had no choice because of how nasty MAV was in the weeks before leaving. It feels impossible to recover from jetlag when something is revving me up at night like this. Went to bed at 12:30 AM, and just woke 2 hours later having mad dreams about school days – totally bizarre aimless dreams.
Anyway enough whining but it really helps to write all of this down and know all you guys know what this madness is like - the med trials, the lows, the shitty symptoms, blah, blah. The Ativan blew me out of the water yesterday btw. Just too strong and sedating at 0.25 mg. I’m going to stick with old faithful: valium. Works well and no side effects, ever.
So cheers folks, here goes 2.5 mg of old faithful down the hatch with a glass of Pelligrino (that’s about as close as I get to an Italian wine these days :lol: ). Clink.
Nope. No idea what you’re talking about. You’re losing it.
Just kidding! Sorry, it’s been a long day and I’m letting flippancy take hold.
Seriously, it’s really horrible reading about what a rotten sucky time you are having of it, especially as you’re on holiday. That ups the suckage factor significantly. I have nothing to suggest or offer, other than sympathy and support. And flippancy. So yeah, you go ahead and vent your socks off.
The only thing I’d say is that at you’re at day 12 on Paxil maybe try and stick with it, push through, and maybe it will come good. I felt worse for several days after I started Prothiaden so you never know, the Paxil may turn around for you.
I also don’t know how you keep working full-time plus take care of this forum and whatever else you do. This is amazing!
Have you ever thought about profession full-body massage? If i could afford it i would do it more often. Find a good Massage Specialist and have him/her work on the more upset areas…maybe parts of your head, neck shoulders, etc. I believe we take on alot more tension/stress than the average person because of this dizzy condition that we are battling day in and day out.
Also Scott…just wanted to share with you that i personally believe that when i had an opportunity to leave my last job (back in 1999) and move in with my partner and REST for 2 years…the improvement cycle began. Have i made 100%…absolutely not but i’m alot better now than i was back in the 1990’s. So what i’m saying is if there is any way you could take time off work for a year or more…if you can afford it or going on some kind of Disability (doctor’s approval)…and just take super care of yourself for many months or a year or more…that might make your body stronger…and possibly improve your health overall. Just a thought…
