Feeling so hopeless and need to vent

Hi everyone. I hope you’re all doing ok. I’ve had these symptoms for 5 years now but my depression about this condition has reached an all time high the past few months. I just need to vent some of the thoughts I have in my mind practically 24/7. I can’t take it anymore… I do therapy and started Lexapro to try to help the depression, but I can’t see how this depression will go down while I have symptoms.

All my thoughts are all consumed by pain and suffering. Even my subconscious thoughts. No matter how often I have felt a symptom I am still scared of it.

I can’t muster up excitement in myself. Everything is clouded by sadness and pain.

Feel traumatized by my symptoms and feeling them all time becomes a constant reminder of that trauma.

Feel hopeless and I ask myself what’s the point of doing or trying anything. Everything I’ve tried in the past has only gotten me to where I am now. An empty shell.

I feel permanently changed. Like the happiness and naivety I used to feel is completely gone and it can never come back. I feel like I’m broken.

Does it ever get better?

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I don’t have good answers for you, Annae. My mood and sense of hopefulness improve when my symptoms are manageable. When I have hope that things will improve or at least remain stable, I’m ok. Deep depression takes over when my symptoms are out of control. But I accept that I will always live with VM, and that there is no cure. For me, as long as I’m not falling down on the street with sudden vertigo attacks, as long as I can confidently leave my house and continue to live independently, my mental health is good.

If your symptoms aren’t under control after five years, maybe it’s time to seek out new medical providers. And if you’re feeling like life is no longer worth living, please reach out to your primary care physician immediately and ask for help. Let your family/friends know you are struggling and ask them to help you get the treatment you need. You deserve it. Best wishes, dear heart.

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It gets better. Give the Lexapro some time to pull you out of the depression just a little bit. There was a time I was so hopeless I stopped feeding myself, I would just stare at the wall and everything felt so pointless. I felt like I couldn’t interact with the world and felt so alone. At some point I just decided to start doing things just stupid things like making smoothies and stuff cleaning the house. Overtime I felt better and better. I’m having a bad dizzy day today, and it’s weighing me down. But I only feel this way because I went to 3 bars last night with my best friend and didn’t drink enough water. In the beginning, going for a walk outside would’ve ruined my week. I can do more and more now even if I have to learn balance. I’m so sorry you feel so down right now. This condition has taking me to really dark places and every now and then I feel them again. You’re going to be ok, take it one day at a time like you’re hiking out of a dark forest, if you keep walking you’ll get there eventually.

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Yes, was like that for 3 years and thought the same exact thoughts as you. You can’t see the end of the tunnel, but with help you will find it. There are better days ahead, many on here are proof of that including me.

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I’m so sorry it’s such a rough time. Please know that things change and it is very possible to feel better both physically and mentally.

I personally have had a lot of success with treatment—it took years and a lot of different therapies/meds/approaches, plus a lot of patience which I didn’t necessarily always have, but my symptoms are 90% imrproved and so many find relief with treatment. You may need to consider some changes to your treatment program if what you’re doing isn’t bringing improvement.

From a mental health side, you may also want to consider being proactive. I know it is really hard. I wish I had sought out therapy in the first few years of really bad symptoms, because I wasted a lot of time and energy crying every day and wanting the life I had before I was so sick. I eventually reached a place where I could feel more ok about my life even if it was not what I wanted it to be—I couldn’t work or have much of a social life, but I could still be a good friend (to the few who stuck by me), partner, and family member (to the best of my ability), and I could still find things to enjoy each day, even if it was just reruns of a tv show I liked.

I think I would have reached that place a lot sooner if I had spoken with a therapist earlier—practitioners who specialize in chronic illness are experienced in helping you navigate the grief that comes with a difficult health condition. This goes a long way in helping someone find a measure of peace with how things are, so you can feel better about life even if your symptoms don’t improve.

There will be better times ahead, even if it is not easy to imagine that right now. Wishing you only good things 🩷

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