26y/o previously active, healthy male.
I started taking valium 2.5 months ago when I had probably VN and have been taking about 4-6mg per day ever since (mostly 6, some 4-5). It helped a lot with the dizziness and anxiety but I’ve been doing a lot less lately (mostly staying home as I’ve been seeing what not pushing myself too hard does, which i was doing for a long time). The staying home leads to feeling better -not being dizzy much and less headaches (i still have an uncompensated vestibular system from probable vn - motion intolerance) so from a therapeutic standpoint I saw it fit to stop the valium. And also I’ve heard it can slow the compensation process. My gp told me when he prescribed it that i was taking it in such a low dose that I shouldn’t develop a real tough physical dependence on it and while it’s not a long term solution, a few months of it isn’t going to hurt me. He would have rather given me an SSRI but at the time I wanted to stick with valium and he didn’t argue. What’s weird is I don’t really even like what the therapeutic dose of valium makes me feel like. The two times I’ve taken 5mg at once (MRI, and really dizzy time) I didn’t like the feeling. I was like durrr and out of it kinda. Even 2mg I could feel it ‘hit’ me in a way that was slightly uncomfortable, so I was taking the 2mg pill and cutting it and taking the 2nd half an hour later so technically 6 doses of 1mg. I felt like it smoothed me out but didn’t effect me with side effects this way other than mb a little bit of tiredness if I already was a bit.
I started with 3mg a couple weeks ago and even only took 2mg one day…(lasted like 4 days)then I came down with a stomach bug and it threw my system for a loop so I went back to 5 mg for like 5 days. This past sunday I took 3mg and have taken 3 every day since. (1mg morning, afternoon, evening) My mom came home from work yesterday (i own my own house but have temp moved home as I can’t drive and it’s just so much easier) and said I was seeming a bit different…edgy and apathetic in a non standard way. Symptom wise I felt fine albeit tired, and I agree that I was a bit apathetic but it didn’t seem overly abnormal to me. I’m ‘finally’ going to a new super doc at mayo (redoing balance testing friday) and seeing him monday and it’s been a long time coming so I’m of course a bit anxious and stressed about this, especially having to redo the caloric. The air was pure hell but it only lasted a half hour and didn’t seem to throw me for a long term loop but I’m pretty sure mayo uses water and I’m nervous about it throwing me into a cycle as I’ve been feeling alright at home these days. So maybe not the best time time be self-lowering my valium, but I really want to be done with it if I can, at least on a daily basis and have it for a flair up. My gf called me and was being sad about missing me and usually I’m a super sensitive guy and would internalize it more but it was as if I was sympathetic but didn’t know what to say and be there for her like I’d want to be as I was feeling stressed out, too. Maybe part of it is I know I couldn’t do anything about it (i can’t drive, and she’s sick and I can’t afford being sick right now) but even still, it’s not like me to feel like that.
I thought about taking a 4th mg of it but decided to just do some breathing and try really hard to ‘resist’ which I did. I woke up this morning feeling pretty edgy. We have to drive and stay overnight for the doc tomorrow so I’m sure that is factoring in…but I’m sure the lowering of valium isn’t helping.
Soooooo, part of me thinks I should take 4mg or whatever today and see if that’ll help me have a better day and see what the doc says is how I should be weening myself off of it on monday. Everything on the web talks about weening off for people who’ve been on it for years or at much higher doses…so I really don’t know how to handle it and what feeling is coming from what(natural ups/downs, anxiety about tests/finally seeing new doc, valium withdrawal) I’m sure all the attention to it is also causing it to be partially in my head.
I flipped out (just like swore and got mad for a couple minutes) while making lunch and couldn’t find a container to put the leftovers in so I decided that was a sign to take another 1mg…so it looks as though I’ll prob go the 4mg route today. I’m going to take as much as I need tomorrow if the tests throw me under the bus. And by that I mean 6, i’ve never taken more than that in a day I don’t think.
Anyone have any personal experience with low dose weening etc? I’m curious how related the apathy/agitated state/anxiety is. I’ve been having some stressful pushing myself days too and 2 nights ago was the first night in ages I got less than 8 hours of sleep. Maybe it’s in my head, who knows.
Here is an image of the last 42 days of my valium use. This starts like Feb 25. From jan 25-feb 25 I took 4-5mg per day i think. Mg is the Y, and day is the X axis.
Any recommendations for this weekend and beyond?
Thanks for any thoughts, they are much appreciated,
BKK