Has MAV helped you find a better way?

Specific Illnesses & Conditions VM/MAV
1

Hi all,

this topic has come up in posts before - having to change our lives, getting rid of as much stress as possible, etc, but I was just thinking about it in a slightly different way

i was thinking of Kim, who runs a business out of her own home and when telling me about it she said “and I wouldn’t have it any other way”

I was also thinking of Joe who works with handicapped adults, yes? I’m not sure what Joe did pre-MAV, but I’m pretty sure when he has talked about his current job, he never thought it was something he could do and now finds it very satisfying - have I got that right, Joe?

I’m pretty sure MSDXD told us that he made career changes which filtered out a lot of stress.

When I was young and getting classic migraines, for a few moments, when I was getting my visual aura, i had the thought “oh, good, i’ll be able to quit pushing myself so hard and lie in bed, in agony for a few days” It was only for a moment but the thought of being able to get away from all that stress I put myself under was worth having a migraine - until i actually got the migraine, of course - i actually enjoyed the visual aura.

The point of this thread is, my big crash was life-altering and I will never be the same - we could make lists miles and miles long of the things we’ve lost. I’m wondering if we’ve gained anything - Kim’s got a better job and will have a better lifestyle because of it (not more money maybe (or maybe she will!!! :)) I gave up my biggest client a year ago and we sweated it out for months wondering how we would get by - we’re fine and I sure do appreciate the extra time on my hands and the lack of stress from that high-maintenance pain in the butt. I wouldn’t take them back for all the money in the world. Should have done it years ago - it’s just so hard to give up a big client.

i’m wondering if MAV has forced you to make any lifestyle changes that have ended up being very good for you in hindsight.

I’m sure there are Millions :slight_smile: of MAVoyers out there thinking, “this woman is wacked - MAV has done nothing but take my life away!” But, please, give me a chance - it is possible - opposing can and do exist at the same time.

Julie

2

You’re not ‘wacked’ Julie, you’re just looking ‘outside the box’ and as much as I can tell you what I feel I’ve been robbed of, there are many things which I treasure after I’ve made adjustments to this MAV thing.

Talk about lost income, I don’t even work anymore! But now we’ve adjusted to that so no issue. I don’t even think I’m going to return to work because I think life owes me just a bit and my hubby doesn’t mind (he actually wants to join me, but that would be financial suicide so alas, I’m just the **lucky **one at the moment!) What that gives me is the freedom to rest when I need to rest and take care of myself. This of course only relates to working with my MAV but what this time has also given me, is the time to be there for my children Ellen 19yrs and Andrew 18yrs. You might think they can look after themselves quite nicely now, but you wouldn’t believe the difference it’s made in our relationships by having me around the place. I feel I can spoil them a bit more by cooking a small breakfast for them before they head out to Uni and college and they love coming home to someone being in the house and look forward to many, many more conversations. They actually get a cooked dinner too which was quite often thrown together at the last minute or just take-out! They bring their friends around and I’ve always got an extra mouth to feed and I’m always having very lively, colourful conversations with teenagers (sometimes I’d rather not hear what they get up to mind you!!). They even ring me on my mobile when I’m not home cause they’re wondering where I am, what a change in events. They won’t be living at home forever and I’ve only got a few more years with them but it’s the best quality time i’ve ever had with them.

My hubby loves me being home when he gets home (I’ve done all the independant working stuff in my life and don’t feel oppressed and all that stuff, I like having a cooked dinner ready for him and the kids when they get home) and dinner is ready and he can relax much more too because I just fiddle away in the kitchen and most often clean up so he can go rest up for a while after a big day. I have time for him on the weekend and we quite often go for drives and then do coffee at a cafe or lunch somewhere nice. The ‘motion’ sickness is still an invading aspect but I hope that will settle more in time.

I’ve made new friends at the gym (most of them are ‘seniors’ because it’s got to be a light circuit class for me), but since my parents were both tragically killed, they’ve often taken me under their wings and always look out for me. We lunch once a month (today actually!) after our gym class and it’s always lively and good fun even though they call me ‘baby’ cause I’m obviously the youngest. Don’t think for a minute that oldies act their age, they tell me there not sitting around in god’s waiting room and are here to enjoy every minute. After lunch I tend to go home and rest cause I’ve got MAV you know (lol) and then I’m ready once again for my family.

And Julie… because I’ve made all these new and wonderful changes to my life, we must not forget that many people from this board who no longer contribute, have I would think and hope, actually improved so much that much of their old life returns too. So that could also mean double good luck, we can recover and get on with our lives in time and try to remember and hold dear the changes in our life which were all for the better.

I love your new topic, there is time for optomism out there too! (We’ll post a new subject when we’re having a sh.tty day another time!! :lol:

regards and much good health to all
Judy

3

Jude,

I LOVE your story. It reminds me of one the the things beind homebound has done for me. I actually plan meals and cook for my husband. What a wonderful thing to do for the people we love - feed them. It’s really too bad that homemaking became so undervalued.

I love telling him to “get out of MY kitchen!” It’s my space and is often almost meditative. I light a candle, play music. Sometimes he helps with dishes and we even dance ! I never even knew what a good cook i was and what a joy it is. And the icing on the cake is - my husband loves the fact that i’m cooking too, and tells me often - no more of that horrible take-out. We are eating so well that he’s been able to go off his BP meds!

The slowing down thing is a big one for me. I was the oldest of 11 and I had to stay on top of everything as a child. I had to have every problem solved before anybody knew it was even a problem. MAV made that impossible. As I improve, I find myself going back into that mode once in awhile and I STOP! take a deep zen breath and remember what got me bedridden to begin with. A hard lesson learned, but a valuable one.

No more ballet for me. I loved it, and am proud of the things I was able to do, but everybody knows how competitive a ballet studio is, right? If i’m ever ready to go back into a classroom again it will be Qi Gong.

Yes, MAV has torn our lives apart, leaving us with little of what we knew to be quality, but maybe we can find a different, even better quality. And once well, we can bring the old and the new together. They do say that in every illness there is a chance for growth, if you can just find it. Looks like you have, Jude.

Julie

4

Hey Julie,

This is an absolute wonderful subject! Sounds like something i would ask. :slight_smile:

Yes…Julie…i work Part-Time with Mentally Challenged Adults and the positive part to this Job is i feel like i’m contributing to society and helping people who are much less fortunate than myself. On the negative side is i don’t make nearly as much money as i use to when working for SBC. Live from pay check to pay check. I gave SBC 20 years and did not retire…but took a severnce package back in 1999. I missed retirment by just one or two numbers(age + years)=total. I wanted to give them 25 or 30 years but i felt if i did not leave when they offered me the package…i would have adventually been fired because of 2 short-term disabilities and calling in absent numerous times. It was like they turned on me when i got sick. The work was just too difficult when your always dizzy. The job was also very stressful and i didnot feel appreciated.

Another positive thing is i moved from San Francisco to Los Angeles…to be with my partner…we were trying to manage a long distance relationship…which is not easy. I’m not sold on Los Angeles but i do love the home we live in. I have made a few new friends. Julie…you said that you experienced a Big Crash and don’t feel you will never be the same. Well…i don’t believe i am completely back to the “Old Joe” yet…but i’m constantly working on it. It really takes time…and the improvement i have made over 15 years has been at a Snail’s pace. But the pace speeded up some when i left the phone company job and left San Francisco

As much as i appreciate working in a job that i currently feel good about and using my god given skills…plus being with my partner and enjoying the Southern California climate + a few new friends…i still miss the “Old Joe” …when i did not have the Motion every day and not having to worry about the anxiety that contributes to it. Also…being able to eat & drink what i wanted prior to this illness. So there have been some good things that have come out of this illness…but i still miss the life i had prior to MAV.

Joe

5

Great post Julie!!!

Yes, I’ve always agreed with “everything happens for a reason”. MAV hit, and as life altering and life changing as it has been, I can see nowadays some good that has come from it. ( In the beginning, I would have never, ever (!!!) thought any good could come from it). But it truly has. Thank you for making me stop today and count my blessings :smiley:

Judy - yes, the time you have now with your kids is a wonderful thing. I know. I’m able to work from home, and be here for my daughter. I cringe to think how our lives would be if I was still working 12 hour days. Sad to even think about, but how unfair to her that would be. (There are so many women who can (and do) pull it off, and my hat is off to them, but I would have failed miserably at it, I’m afraid.)

The lost income is a problem for sure. (I ain’t gonna candy-coat it :shock:

Thank you Judy, for pointing out, the people no longer on this board. Yes, my guess is, that most of them have gotten their lives back. That is encouraging for sure!!!

Thanks again guys, for the “upper” today. I really need that. So glad I have you all !!! 8)

Kim

6

— Begin quote from “joseph0952”

Hey Julie,

This is an absolute wonderful subject! Sounds like something i would ask. :slight_smile:
Joe

— End quote

I thought the same thing as I was writing it, Joe, truly. You reached out to me this morning and I think I was channeling your energy :slight_smile:

What a privilege, Joe, to be able to hone your God given gifts as your life’s work. That comes from the heart and the people you work with surely feel it. I’m not sure the extent of your work with them, but i’ll take a chance and say i wonder if when you work with them you enter into a sort of healing/healer relationship. That’s a real special space and you’re lucky to be part of it, Joe. Money can’t buy that. (But the phone company sucks for cheating you of your hard-earned retirement :evil: ) But you’ve got the better Karma, or however you like to think about it. Bottom line, you’re happier.

That’s the thing about cooking with me, it really comes from my heart and it puts me in a zen place. It comes naturally and i’m real creative. It’s not a chore. It energizes me, doesn’t wear me out one bit. I don’t find myself dancing while I’m working. Before I got sick, I didn’t have time to cook, i got take-out.

Kim, i don’t have kids, and i’ve always worked from home, but I can only imagine how you feel about being home with your daughter. I’m not sure I could leave my dog home for 12 hours day after day. I’m glad you’re able to be with your little cutie. Does she help you work the business? I told Joe today that my husband calls my cat my business manager (she’s always directing my mouse). (uh-oh! here we go again about cats :shock: )

Julie

7

You guys are really going to think I’m a weirdo with this post, but here goes:

I was just about to go down for the night and i was thinking about Joe losing his retirement - what a drag. That made me remember a dreamI had just before my crash.

I’ll spare you the details. Before Zoloft robbed me of my dreams, they were vivid and full of details, but in the very last image there was a voice saying to me “you got the hard test.” At that time, I, along with my Jungian/Buddhist therapist didn’t find it hard at all to see that I had indeed been given a very hard test in getting through this life. Well, Joe, I think you got the hard test too. And I think you’re doing great. In fact, maybe all of us MAVers have been given the hard test.

For some reason, and this has nothing to do with this thread, this second dream came to mind (sorry again for the therapy talk, but you guys are my support group :cry: ):

Last image was that I was going to go live on a houseboat. I woke up and thought. A houseboat! I don’t want to live on a houseboat - I don’t even like the water! well, guess what, I’ve felt like I’ve been on the water ever since.

I have lots of prophetic dreams. I’ll let you know when I dream that my ship has landed :slight_smile:

Okay, I’m going to hit submit before I chicken out,

Julie

8

Very cool Julie, not weird at all!

“The hard test” , yeah, I guess I would have to agree. I think we probably all did get it. For all different kinds of reasons, but we’re all making it, and I bet, better off in the end too. I’m thinking right now, of all the people who will read this post, down the line. When they’ve hit rock bottom, and stumble on this site (probably like we did). I hope it gives them maybe a little insight, some encouragement, and some hope. I remember how absolutely lost and hopeless I felt in the beginning. It was like drowning. Not knowing whether I should just give up or fight. I’m glad I chose to fight.

Julie - your boat coming to shore - it won’t be long. Can’t wait to hear!!! :smiley:

By the way, yes, my lil darlin’ does work with me (especially during the summer) She’s my little “Critter Sitter” in training. I even bought her very own pint-size company t-shirt. (Although, she’s only with me around clients that I’ve had for a long time). :smiley:

Kim

9

Hey Julie,

Actually…they did give me a retirement check (money cumulated over 20 years)…but if i was not sick with the dizzy illness and able to stick it out between 25-30 years instead of only 20 yrs…i would have received permanent health care and just a much better package deal when i left. What was very shocking was how my supervisor and her big wig supervisor treated me when i left. She did not even say goodbye. I don’t mean to sound like a victim…but at the time (back in 1999) it hurt. That is one of my reasons why i stay a Substitute in my current position…i can call in anyday and it’s not counted against me. My current supervisor has asked me more than once when i am going to apply for a permanent position?? The first couple of years i told her i was not ready…but after nearly 5 years as a Sub…i have told her some of my health issues. She seems to understand where i’m coming from. I think i told you already…that not only do i have the MAV but i have another chronic condition that i deal with on a day to day basis. Maybe there is some truth about “Everything happens for a reason”???

I would like to believe that i’m stronger now than i was before the illness. Julie…i think we have been thru and still experiencing “a hard test”.

Joe

10

Hello

Here is my story. As this is meant to be a positive thread I hope it doesn’t sound too negative at the beginning but I just wanted to give the background so it makes some sort of sense…

When I first became ill 8 months ago I was independent with a good job, lived in my own little house and had just starting seeing a guy I really liked. Since then I have lost my job; my Income Protection Insurance failed to pay out as they said ‘there is no hard evidence that I am ill, only a consultant’s opinion that I have an organic illness’; therefore I had to move back in with my Parents and rent my house out; and the guy quickly lost interest. I must admit that I have found it a challenge to be positive at times and am pretty devastated at how my life has turned upside down in the last few months. However I can see that there have been some good things that have come out of this…

  • Before I got ill, I thought I was quite a weak person. I have realised that I am stronger than I ever thought possible…and it is OK to cry sometimes, it doesn’t make you weak! I now enjoy spending time by myself, which I was terrified of before and I feel I am much more independent and mentally (even if I am not financially).

  • Before my illness I was spending my time trying to live up what I thought were other people’s expectations of me. To have a successful career, to own a house and have nice clothes. I now see that the people that matter don’t care about these and still love me whatever.

  • I have learnt who my friends are and that with friends it is quality not quantity that counts.

  • My former job was very high pressure and in a highly competitive environment. I now don’t think this is for me and I’m not sure I can go back to that. I am starting volunteer work next week for 2 hours per week working with disabled people. Who knows, it could be the start of a whole new chapter in my life.

Becky

11

Joe,

thanks for reminding me- you did say that in your first post, (about the retirement) i just wasn’t thinking straight. That’s good, i’m not as mad at the phone company. But I am mad at your ex-boss. That’s lousy.

Becky,

what a valuable lesson it is to know you can be with yourself. My husband teaches psychology. One of his classes is a small seminar and one of his assignments is to have his students spend one full weekend totally alone, no TV, no telephone (they can read) and journal what happens. you wouldn’t believe what they come up with. Most of them can’t make it through the day, let alone the weekend before they bail out. Some of them experience panic for the first time in their lives. You can be your own best friend, but first you have to get to know yourself, huh?

A little digression into therapy-land: I’m an introvert, so i’m used to my inner world - i find many things on the outside, aside from loved ones, good friends, music, books and food, and you good people to be just distraction. Who wants to live a distracted life? Of course that’s just me, speaking as an introvert. An extrovert would find my life, well, lifeless :slight_smile:

I’ve always been big on crying - what a release! And Jenny told me recently that crying is good for the skin :slight_smile:

Kim,

I’d love to see a shot of your little one in a t-shirt :slight_smile:

Julie

12

Julie,

I am natuarlly an extrovert so that is one reason why I have found being ill particularly hard, but I am learning to be more of an introvert and it is no bad thing! :slight_smile:

I have become really interested in Psychology, your husband’s classes sound really fascinating! Perhaps another option for me if I am ill long term would be for me to study it at home.

Becky

13

Becky,

That is a good idea, let me PM you.

Julie

14

Julie,

I was more of an introvert and shy when i was younger but the last 15-20 years i am somewhere between Introvert and Extrovet. I’m a late bloomer in that i realized later in life that i’m a people person. Did not have a clue when i was young. I took the Myer Briggs tests (personality test) a number of times…a couple of times the results showed me as being slightly introverted and other tests results showed me slightly extroverted. I defintely enjoy people but i also find that i need time to myself.

Joe

15

Joe,

You’ve got a good balance going then - you know how to be introverted when needed and extroverted when needed. I’m introverted and happy being so. But i’m unhappy when i need to be in an extroverted situation. I’m not comfortable in that orientation. Being introverted has saved me some suffering during my MAV but has probably only made me more so. Once I feel better, i’ll have to work more on being out in the world. We live an hour and a half away from Manhattan and I adore the ballet. That would be a nice first thing to do, although definitely over-ambitious :slight_smile: just musing.

BTW, introvert and extrovert have become commonly used words. Jung coined the terms and his definition is: an introverted person’s psychic energy flows inward while an extroverted person’s psychic energy flows outward. This results in an introvert’s focus being on the subject while an extrovert’s focus is on the object.

Introverts get a bad name because they commonly have become seen as being shy, withdrawn, socially inept, and without a lot going on. One of the things my husband has learned (he’s pretty balanced himself) from being married to me (7 years) and he brings this out in class - he’ll say in his small seminars of 25 people: “Now some of you will be doing a lot of talking. And one or two of you will want to do all the talking (it always works out that way) but the people who sit there and say nothing probably have more interesting things going on in their heads than the rest of you put together.” He doesn’t say it in a demeaning way. He’s very kind, sweet and funny. He’s letting them know, don’t think those quiet people are stupid, or have nothing to say, and he’s trying to urge them to speak up, he knows they’re smart (the people in this seminar have been hand-picked). And he’s also trying to get some of the others to inhibit themselves and let others have a chance to talk.

Julie

16

I’ve been wracking my Brain,
Trying hard to come up with something positive to add
And the only thing I could come up with right now was this.
Through this very forum,
I’ve met a very special person in my life, she knows who she is.
This might sound very stalker–ish! lol
But for the first time in my entire life, I feel I’ve met a real Friend who is like-minded.
She may live on the other side of this planet, but I still feel like she’s the closest thing I’ve had to a real friend. She’s my buddy!
she understands me , the good the bad and the ugly!
lol

Joe and others have talked about so-called friendships breaking down due to our mav.
Sickness shouldn’t be a deal breaker in love or friendships, but as some of us have discovered it can be. And that breaks my heart.

I’m in the process of cleaning out my emotional and spiritual closet so to speak,
And I have a newfound respect for others and what they are going through.
I’d like to bitch slap parts of the old me, but I’m not going to, I’ll except my failings and try to rectify it in the future.
I’m counting my blessing!
I’m sure as time passes, as Jude said, we will get better and move on to great things, these are our lessons, how sad.

That’s my input.
Luv to you all.
Stalker jen :mrgreen:

17

— Begin quote from “jennyd”

Sickness shouldn’t be a deal breaker in love or friendships, but as some of us have discovered it can be. And that breaks my heart.

I’m in the process of cleaning out my emotional and spiritual closet so to speak,
And I have a newfound respect for others and what they are going through.

I’d like to bitch slap parts of the old me, but I’m not going to, I’ll except my failings and try to rectify it in the future.

I’m counting my blessing!

That’s my input.
Luv to you all.

— End quote

It is a heartbreaker, isn’t it. you’d think that “in sickness and in health” would actually apply in any love relationship, be in spouse or friend.

You don’t have to wrack your brain, Jen, I’d say the work you’re doing is profound, and difficult. Not many people get the chance to clean out their spiritual closets. But if anybody can do it, you can, Jen - you’ve got what it takes. Accept your failings, way to go. I’ll PM you tomorrow (so as not to clog the board) about the real story of the Oedipus myth (not Freud’s interpretation). Most people are familiar with the first half of it, there’s more and it’s a beautiful story.

Julie

18

correction - in that assignment where my husband makes the seminar students spend an entire weekend alone - he doesn’t even let them read. no phone, no TV, no reading. Just them, the four walls, and a journal. most of them can’t do it.

19

Bumped up for Earl :slight_smile:

20

What does not kill me, makes me stronger

~ Friedrich Nietzsche

When i first got hit by this illness, i thought it would kill me. Instead it has made me stronger. Every illness is an opportunity to grow, and grow I have.

I have MAV to thank for a much better relationship with my husband. We went through hell together, fought, and came out stronger. We are so real with each other now, and you can’t love without being real.

I have MAV to thank for being real with myself. in the early days of my illness I was in a deep depression. I saw things about myself that I never wanted to know. Integrating those into my conscious ego has made me more whole.

I have MAV to thank for being more real with friends. Being more whole, I no longer feel like I have to put on a face with others.

I have MAV to thank for being more real with my family. This is the big one and I’ve only been able to test it out over the phone. But even over the phone, i am much more real with my family. Who knows, if i ever get together with my family as a group, I may become complexed, as most family members do. I may never escape that one.

AND…I’ve had the chance to meet the strangest :slight_smile: and underlying it all, our Adam, without whom, none of us would have this space to facilitate our healing.

THANK YOU ADAM!

Julie