I guess my biggest questions are these, how do you cope? How do you go about daily living? Do you struggle with fear of an episode of vertigo happening while out in public?
I do. Mostly because I do have the anxiety disorder. But I know that if I could get my dizziness under control that my anxiety and panic would also be under control and therefore my agoraphobia would go away. I don’t know how to deal with it.
My main concern is embarrassing myself in public. I’m not sure what I think might happen but that’s where the “what ifs” come into play. “What if”…I have one of those pushing sensations that literally send me running for the hills in public? Where do I go? How do I explain to people what’s happening? That’s just it, I don’t want to. I suppose social anxiety/phobia plays somewhat into this, although I’ve not ever been diagnosed with that particular disorder.
I don’t know what to do? I have 3 daughters who try to understand why mommy can’t take them to the park…or why I can’t take them shopping like normal moms & daughters do. I suffer with so much guilt and I really do feel at times that death would be better than this. I often wonder how my people, who commit suicide, have suffered from a migraine or the neurological stuff that goes with it. I am NOT suicidal but I would be lying if I don’t think sometimes that it would be the best answer to a problem I can’t seem to find the answers to.
I really hope that you can shed some light on coping skills that perhaps I could use as a tool to start a journey towards life again.
I understand how you feel. Before I finally recieved a diagnoses of MAV, my life was quite a bit like you describe. About the only thing that I did was go to work and struggle through my day. I let my boys down quite a few times when we had made plans to do something, and then I had to cancel out because of dizzy spell.
But I did make plans to do things and told everybody that I might cancel out if things acted up on me. I did my best to do things with my boys on my good days. On my bad days, I tried to find things to do with them that did not involve standing or walking, such as watching movies, reading a book or playing video games. Yes, I know couch potatoe stuff, but that was about all I could do on my bad days which were way to frequent. It was common for me to go to family functions such as Christmas gatherings, only to spend most of the evening in the master bedroom laying on my side waiting for things to quit moving.
By the way, yes I did struggle with the fear of being out in public when things acted up. I have bounced into people many times while standing in lines for the cafateria at work, and knocked displays over at the store. Usually when it happened, (and still does to a lesser degree) I would tell the person that I collided with that I have a balance problem and to please excuse me.
Now-a-days, my biggest problem is falling. You should see the reaction I get from people while I am still on the ground. Quite embarrassing at the time it happens, but if I could just video tape the look on their faces when it happens and then watch it later on, I am pretty sure that I would roll over from laughing so hard.
Where do I go? I go places where it isn’t crowded, or at times when it won’t be crowded, as crowds can be a trigger for me. I also avoid certain stores because I have found that the accoustics of the building cause me problems.
Wanted you to know that Crowds are a Trigger for me too…or they make things more uncomfortable. I try to stay away from Malls during weekends and during the holidays…if i realy need to shop at a mall i try to go very early in the day. Also…Airports are another uncomfortable situation…particuarly larger Airports like LAX.
I just replied to another post of yours and suggested some ways to deal with the vertigo, anxiety, agoraphobia from my own experience and practice.
My way is really just an interpretation of the ‘de-sensitisation’ process that counsellors/psychologists may choose to use - you identify what tasks, places etc cause you the most fear - i.e. visiting the supermarket, getting in the car, or even just going outside your front door. You then scale them at your experience,most difficult to least difficult. I learnt this many years ago.
Then set yourself a small goal each day for a week at a time - write up the goals on a weekly calendar (and tick them off with pride and a big smile as you achieve them) - each day you should slowly build up the goal - if you managed 10meters out from your front door on Monday you should try another 5 meters the next and so on. This method really does work - but it is not an overnight miracle - but it is the best way to re-train your fight or flight instinct (which is mostly to blame for the agoraphobia).
Don’t forget to breathe deeply and slowly if you panic, before running from the task if it gets difficult - the breathing will give you control over your body and mind - but remind yourself that you will get through this - it is always important to keep telling yourself that you can and will achieve what you want to. The breathing will help you with the vertigo if it strikes when you are out too. Maybe write down some scenarios as to what you could do if you get the vertigo when out, could be that you need to leave the car, ask someone else to pick it up and get a cab home or a lift - it is simple things like that which can give you a better feeling of security to go out and about.
hi there,
I can relate to the out and about anxiety completely! It never really bothered me untill last year when I single handedly managed to shut down Pizza Hut for several hours at the height of their rush! After being reasonably well for several weeks, I decided to risk treating the kids to a trip to the cinema followed by pizza. Before leaving the house I checked to make sure I had my rizatripan in my bag. All fine. Cinema great, no probs. Just after we were seated at Pizza Hut (on a very visible, very centeral table!) the vertigo from hell kicked in, and, guess what? yep that’s right, no rizatriptan left in the blue box. Before I new it I’d thrown up every where and I was lying on the floor with paramedics administering oxygen. My daughter (7 years old) had explained very calmly to the manager was happening and phoned the hubby on my mobile. What a star! Needless to say I haven’t been back.
Subsequently, I have been increasingly cautious about venturing into busy places to the point where it is starting to impinge on quality of life :?
Although my vertigo has gotten better, I still find that the fear of it inhibits my life. There’s so much I won’t do–go to a play, sit in the front row of a concert or lecture, go sailing. It’s been four years since it really acted up, and it’s been much better for the last year, but without really noticing it, I’ve let the fear of vertigo “shrink” my life.
At the beginning there were some horrible times in the supermarket: unloading the cart would set me off, and I would wonder if I was going to pass out before I could get out of there.
Those days are gone–but the fear lingers, and I still avoid doing much shopping at the supermarket.
Recently I saw my primary doctor, and she asked how the vertigo was, and thinking about it, it threatens but doesn’t really kick in lately, yet I limit myself so much.
So, no answers, but lots of empathy and sympathy.
Kira
Thank you, you guys are great. What I can’t seem to get into my head is that whether I’m dizzy at home or dizzy in a store…I’m dizzy. I can handle the dizzies as long as no one is in my face. I know, that seems rude, but I need to be left alone to get myself together. I also can’t figure out why I’m scared something “horrible” is going to happen in public…but it never does at home. NEVER. I need to desensitize myself AGAIN. I did it before. I got to a point where I could go and do just about anything…but since the birth of my youngest daughter, the symptoms are back double what they ever were before. Lots of self talk and faith. Thanks again.
Oh and btw, I’m now probably never going to visit a Pizza Hut for fear that I will shut one down too. Although I’ve never vomited or have become very nauseated during my episodes. Which I guess will be the next question I post…
Thank you, you guys are great. What I can’t seem to get into my head is that whether I’m dizzy at home or dizzy in a store…I’m dizzy. I can handle the dizzies as long as no one is in my face. I know, that seems rude, but I need to be left alone to get myself together. I also can’t figure out why I’m scared something “horrible” is going to happen in public…but it never does at home. NEVER. I need to desensitize myself AGAIN. I did it before. I got to a point where I could go and do just about anything…but since the birth of my youngest daughter, the symptoms are back double what they ever were before. Lots of self talk and faith. Thanks again.
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Hang in there. I don’t have an issue with agoraphobia per se, but I get a bit irritable and almost anti-social on occasion when the symptoms are strong.
Example: I was at the gym about a week ago. I arrived in quite a bit of pain, and my symptoms were pretty strong. I figured a 45 minute stationary bike ride would get at least some of it out of my system. I went over to put my keys and other items off to the side before the workout. When I turned around, a young woman was smiling at me…as if she knew me. I’ve seen her around for several months, but don’t really know her at all. My immediate (internal reaction) was: “I don’t know you…never spoken to you…don’t know your name…I just want to get this workout done and not speak with anyone.” I completely ignored her and went straight to the bike and did my workout. My bad…that’s what the pain and symptoms do…I’m not normally like that at all. I usually joke around and am friendly with most people I interact with.
A few days later, I was at the gym again. She walked by, smiled very briefly, but turned her head away when I was about to smile back in acknowledgment. She seemed to be sort of bracing herself for my lack of friendliness. I felt bad about it…she might’ve been a friend of my wife’s from our childrens’ activities or church (I rarely go), or one of her children might be a classmate of my son or daughter.
Went home…described the young woman to my wife…told her I felt kind of bad about it…and she instantly knew who the young lady was. Indeed, she was from church. My wife talked to her about it a few days ago and explained everything.