Mid-last year, I had days where I seriously thought, “Well, I think this is about as ‘high’ (in intensity) as MAV can go.” Wrong! The last ~3 weeks have been more or less hell-on-earth, and the last couple of days have just about pushed me right over the edge.
Did I ever have the head swaying/rocking feeling today. I said, “Okay, this ain’t withdrawal!” The idea I had – “benzos can mirror the symptoms they treated” – IS medically possible, but if this was REAL withdrawal, I should have a whole slew of nasty symptoms. I’ve read enough forums, and NOBODY ever says “dizziness was my sole withdrawal symptom.”
All right, I know the plan. I have to find a way to abort this taper, get back on a benzo (but not Xanax any more) and I have to work my way back into the med trials again. Even MOM said today, “I could be wrong, but I think you may still have some ‘leftover’ MAV, and the meds aren’t high enough to help you right now.” But Dad and the psychiatrist (and maybe Dr. Hain, not sure; haven’t seen him in months) will be a tough sell.
With days like the ones I’m having, I really can’t live like that. So I need the family to be on-board. But what’s a good, solid argument for saying “this is definitely MAV”? If you had a stubborn family member who didn’t really “get” it (or was skeptical), what would you say? Any advice would be appreciated…!
Even MOM said today, "I could be wrong, but I think you may still have some ‘leftover’ MAV, and the meds aren’t high enough to help you right now.
— End quote
Dude, you have to tell your Mom there is no such thing as “left over MAV”. You are a migraineur and have a migraine brain. It’s like telling a person with diabetes after coming off their hypoglycemic medications that they must have some “left over diabetes” and that would explain why their blood glucose is through the roof, why they’re thirsty all the time and p*ssing like a race horse :!:
It sounds to me like you know better than anyone that this reduction in benzo has opened the door for MAV symptoms to escalate. You’re right that you wouldn’t have extreme endless debilitating dizziness on a benzo come down.
Can you swap over to Valium for a while and then work on the next med trial? Have you ever discovered any external triggers that contribute to this?
As for people who are skeptical of this illness around you (family members), why don’t you print this off and let them have a read:
George,
What Scott said.
You definitely need to have better support. From what I recall, benzos were he only thing that gave you some relief without shitty side effects. I take a small dose of Klonopin daily and I have many doctors who have told me they support that and I have no problem getting a refill. NOR have I had to up my dose in almost 2 years. I don’t expect your parents to understand…they are probably set in their ways as parents can be, and think they knew better since you’re their kid. Nor do they have to deal with what this feels like. SO! With that being said, maybe find another doctor? And trust your instincts…no one wants you to be better more than you do…
Kelley
Scott + Kelley, I appreciate your many wise and supportive words. For the moment, I’ll address your comments, Scott. Kelley, I’ll reply to yours next time I post.
— Begin quote from “scott”
You’re right that you wouldn’t have extreme endless debilitating dizziness on a benzo come down.
— End quote
Right. If I had dizziness AND other, new issues, that might point to withdrawal. But vertigo as the only real complaint – that doesn’t fit a “hard benzo-drop.” But I expect Dad et al to reply: “You can’t know that for certain unless you take the drug out. You’ve taken it for 2+ years – the brain has programmed itself to expect the drug and to think it needs it.”
— Begin quote from “scott”
Can you swap over to Valium for a while and then work on the next med trial? Have you ever discovered any external triggers that contribute to this?
— End quote
I am on Valium. I was switched back to it from Xanax. That’s likely for the best. But as for the dose for MAV, I’m kind of an anomaly. Folks here take 2 or 5 mg Valium – little doses. For me it takes a good ~15 mg to work.
As for external triggers, I don’t know of anything yet, but I’m leaving no stone unturned. I’m looking at a couple new avenues. An allergy specialist (the kind who can look for everything, even the rare weird stuff) should be first up to bat.
I think “triggers” is part of the conundrum for me, Lisa and others with the “24/7”-variety dizziness. Episodic vertigo is easier to connect to possible triggers. For “us,” though, it’s hard to tell. Are we being constantly “triggered” by something, or is the brain just stuck in a severe, self-perpetuating “loop”?
Thanks again, Scott and Kelley, for your support. And to the others who replied to my other thread recently – thanks. I thank everyone for … well, putting up with me.
