Less than 3 wks to my wedding... & freaking out

As I’ve mentioned to some of you already, I’m getting married on Oct. 2. We’re not having a super traditional wedding but there will be a lot of people there and I’ll be in a traditional wedding gown. The stress and anxiety of the MAV (which started a year into our planning this… we’ve been engaged for 2 years), + the stress and anxiety of wedding planning, + the stress and anxiety of just being a stressful and anxious person (are you sensing a theme here?) has made me kind of a wreck. I decided after trialling 4 different antidepressants that only made things worse MAV-wise to not try anything else until after the wedding and just stick with daily klonopin which at least does something beneficial for me (though not enough).

Today, my disequilibrium is at an all time high and I am ready to throw in the towel on this wedding. I just don’t know how I’m going to get through it in this state, in a heavy gown and heels, with all these people looking at me. This is my wedding!! I don’t want to remember it this way. But then again, I’ve waited 6 years to marry this man who I love more than anything in the world (and so much has already been planned, so I really can’t just say forget it)… I just wonder if anyone has any tips on how to deal with getting through such a big day when you’re in this physical and emotional state of un-wellness. I will say that I’ve had a couple wedding-related events so far (bridal shower, dress shopping, etc) that, while I didn’t feel great during, did somewhat better because I was focused on what was going on. But all I can imagine now is disaster and it’s hard to wrap my head around how I’ll manage. Appreciate your thoughts/words of encouragement.

Adrienne

It will be ok! I too, remember thinking about how unfair it would be to feel awful on my wedding day. I was very nervous before our wedding a couple years ago, but overall I did really well.

My advice is to make sure you take the time to eat, drink plenty of water, and relax. If you need a breather, take it, go to the bathroom by yourself for a couple minutes or just sit down somewhere and have people come to you. Sitting down at a table to talk to family/friends is also easier than standing there to talk to them. I was so focused on the day and my husband, too, that I felt better just because of that.

Good luck and congrats, I hope you have a beautiful wedding day!

Thank you so much. In this anxious mindset I forgot to remind myself that I can take a break that day too… Did you have MAV during your wedding?

I felt really well during the ceremony, but we also made our ceremony short! There were some times when I felt a little off during the reception, but as I said, the excitement of the day kind of distracts you from it, and I made sure to relax when I needed to. Overall, I felt well.

I have no regrets about having the big wedding that we had…I made a deal with myself a long time ago that I wouldn’t let MAV or any other health conditions stand in the way of my dreams (hence also being 18 weeks pregnant now after fertility treatments, even though I was so scared that the treatments and pregnancy would make my MAV horrible! (it hasn’t yet)).

Just try to relax and enjoy the day, and focus on the getting-married part…it all goes by so fast!

You don’t know how much I needed to hear this :slight_smile:

Cassada - congrats on the pregnancy!!!

Adrienne - I got married, October 2007 as well, when I had MAV. still have it :frowning: I kept on telling myself that the most important thing is the life that I will be spending with my husband not that one day. somehow I got through and you will too.

Lisa - I had no idea you had MAV then… how unfair this is. I’m glad to hear that you pushed through and did it though, gives me inspiration. And that you also didn’t let this stop you from having a baby – I can’t imagine how you managed (especially if it required fertility treatments and the like), but you have your little one now just like Cassada will soon! I hope you’ve been able to enjoy these life pleasures despite the crap of MAV. We have to continue living while we search for our answer.

HI
Is there any relief from something like bonine (Meclazine) maybe taking it at night because it makes you sleepy…I was thihnking of trying it and seeing if it helps my morning dizziness?
I’m sorry you are going crazy with this stuff…I too have been suffering with the anxiety, and the SSRI’s tend to amp me up and the only thing I"ve been able to tolerate is Cymbalta, but I still have some break through
anxiety.
Am thinking of adding neurontin, as I have read many posts that it really killed the anxiety. It is a GABA analogue, which Klonapin (and alcohol) hit the GABA receptors…as does Valium…so I’m hopeful that it may help. It has a
fairly neutral side effect profile as well. So maybe after the wedding if you want to try a different class of meds, it would be worth considering.

Best of luck!!
Kelley

Kelley, either that or a beta blocker are next on my list of meds to trial (after the wedding) because clearly my body no longer wants to tolerate an antidepressant. The side effects of neurontin sound a little scarier to me so I was thinking of going the beta blocker route first, but maybe you have a point since klonopin does help me a little.

Adrienne- thanks very much and all the best to you! keep us posted.

Hey there,
I tried Propalanol and it made me really depressed within 2-3 days…at a low dose. For whatever that’s worth. I was also on Fex and Remeron at the time, which are both AD’s, so go figure…I dropped it right away.

Wanted to let you all know I made it through the wedding with the help of your encouragement and it was actually quite a beautiful day for me and my new husband! I was definitely helped by the distraction of being around lots of people showering me with love … and in fact it was kind of needed after a year of hell with MAV. I also started taking klonopin every day about a week before the wedding as it had been the only thing to help me somewhat with the dizziness and anxiety. I’m still taking it now and am nervous to go without because I’m feeling relatively okay, but I can’t help but want to find something that helps 100% (and I’m weary about staying on the klonopin even though it’s low dose).

Kelley, you mention Remeron: my psychiatrist thinks I should give one more AD a try (as I also suffer from intense anxiety and depression) and haven’t been able to tolerate any other ADs since the MAV started – he says this one is different. In your personal opinion, do you think it’s a good one to try, or would you go for neurontin before it? I’m so not looking fwd to trying more meds :cry: and I’m already pretty tired with taking the klonopin that I’m afraid it’s gonna leaved me zonked/more dizzy… but then again I pretty much worry about that with every med option there is for this because they all have similar SEs!

Hi Adrienne,
What dose of Klonopin are you taking? I take 1/4 tablet of a .5 mg no more than twice a day on a bad day. I am finding it isn’t as helpful as it used to be…the problem with benzos…The Klon doesn’t make me tired, but I am on a
low dose. It wasn’t too long ago I was only taking it every 3 days or so…sigh…
I really loved Remeron…had some intitial worsening of the dizzy/lightheadedness, but went away in about 5 days. The sleep was great from the first night, no sexual SE’s, and felt pretty good. I wasn’t able to get past the 15mg dose and it
pooped out on the lower dose. I couldn’t go up on it without getting anxious…bummer. I am actually wondering if adding it to my Cymbalta would help at all.
If you go to Wikipedia and look up Mirtazapine, (same med) it lists all the stuff it does, and how low the side effects are. Also, it is easier to come off of than many AD’s. It was my psychiatrists first choice, however Nortryptaline was my neurologists first choice. I don’t think my neurologist realized how much depression/anxiety was happening besides just the dizziness/headaches.

I have read some good things about Neurontin in regards to anxiety on line, but my p-doc says it is quite erratic, so he doesn’t like to prescribe it. He said the latest thing as far as anticonvulsants go, is Lamictal for patient complaince, lower SE’s as long as one titrates VERY slowly…which seems to be the case with most AC’s.
If you try the Remeron, I would suggest starting at a low dose…you will probably get rx’d 15mg pills, and they can make you crazy tired…sleep like 12 hours…that drug hits the histamine very hard at low doses, and as you go up, it goes more into the norephinephrine and the higher energy…
Please keep me posted…
Kelley