*** This turns into a bit of a ramble… apologies for that but I like to get my thoughts down for future reference ***
This will sound quote odd to some, but I attribute this event to many of my psychological and anxiety related issues I have even today.
When I was 18 I went on a trip to Amsterdam with a group of school friends to celebrate finishing school. I thought I would be the man and try a large dose of fairly strong mushrooms for my first try. The night started well, I was enjoying all the lights and sights of the crazy Amsterdam streets. We started seeing things like jellyfish in the waterways (which I am pretty sure now were plastic bags) and there was also a 6 legged cat sitting in a window… :roll:
After an hour my vision went blurry, very typical of the Aura i normally get before a migraine and at that point I started to panic. I couldn’t see anything and asked my friends to take me back to the hotel. I lay on the hotel bed feeling extremely nauseous, vision completely gone and I had intense feelings of falling through the bed and suddenly hitting the bed making me jolt each time it happened. At one point I was pretty sure I was going to end up in A&E… it was a horrific experience…
From what I understand now I had 2 typical migraine symptoms during that trip… the blurred vision and the falling feeling.
For about 1 1/2 years after that I didn’t feel quite right. I spent many many months cooped up in my bedroom, scared to go outside, scared to face any social gatherings, pretty much locking myself away. My parents were extremely worried at the time and didn’t know what I was going to do in life. My main symptoms were feeling like things were further away or closer than they seemed. I felt extremely anxious and the whole world just didn’t look like the same place it was before. Reading up on my medical records at the time, doctors attributed the symptoms to Migraine and were very reluctant to prescribe any type of SSRI at the time, which I was really craving.
After around 6 months of locking myself away my dad finally started pushing me to get on with life. I never thought I could do it, but he really pushed and I eventually got a job and over time the feelings got lesser and lesser.
Its obvious that I have the migraine gene and am going to have these weird episodes throughout my life. I just hope this dizzy one doesn’t last too much longer.
I wonder if my life would have been different though, if it wasn’t for that bad trip on mushrooms. I wonder if it somehow rewired my already fragile migraine brain to be more susceptible to any time of migraine affliction.
I also wonder if this is another episode that will last as long as I feel uncomfortable in my current surroundings and will only dissipate once I feel secure in myself again. I read a book by a famous sports psychologist (who worked with the GB olympics team) Dr Steve Peters, author of the “the chimp paradox”. He basically says that we are all very similar to our earlier primate selves (If you are a Darwinian , sorry for those believers of intelligent design) and we all have an inner chimp. This chimp needs the following things to feel whole:
• structure, familiarity, reassurance, however if there is a strong troop it becomes confident, adventurous, inquisitive and less concerned about the environment
• If you live in an unfriendly part of the jungle then the chimp may become anxious, unhappy and uneasy.
• Realising that your lifestyle is not matching your chimps needs, and doing something about it, is one of the keys to being at peace witty yourself
• Emotions need time out and repair time. Emotional rest is important.
• The human need social stimulation and intellectual challenges to a greater extent than the chimp
• Define purpose for each day – important for the human
Currently I am living in a part of the jungle that is not familiar and I do not have a strong troop around me, I am sure this contributes to MAV. It makes sense that 3 years of having a secure strong troop around me I felt well the whole time and then suddenly it hits when I dont have that.
Long read, but just wanted to get it down, hope I haven’t bored you to much