Hi everyone so I’m sure I’m not going to say anything different to anyone else on here, but if I don’t get it off my chest I think I might explode! Back in Feb i was sitting watching tv when suddenly I felt a sudden pain in my head and then this massive wave of dizziness come over me I felt like I couldn’t move! Anyway, from that night on I’ve never been the same. For 2 months after that happened I was having to be off work a lot, in and out of hospital, had scans, I wasn’t sleeping, my head felt awful and the only way I can describe the feeling is when you hear a really high pitched noise and it goes right through you?! Well that’s how my head felt. Thankfully now I don’t have that all the time and only when it’s really bad. The dizziness is what does me in the most, I’m exhausted by the end of the day because trying to focus on what’s happening is such hard work. My memory is terrible, I can forgot what I’m saying mid sentence, you can ask me a question and I’ll go to answer it and I’ve forgotten what we were even talking about. I’m struggling at work, I’m a manager and I have to keep asking my boss for help as I feel like I’m falling behind on everything. I’m in constant pain with my head, my neck, my joints hurt and I also have a joint dysfunction in my jaw where it feels like it’s being pushed to one side but it’s not, my speech is effected if I’m tired, in pain, had a long day. When it first happened I sounded like I was drunk. I’ve gained weight, my teeth are sensitive, I feel like my walking on a cloud most the time, my right leg feels heavier than my left when I walk and I have little strength in my arms and they ache after a short amount of time if I’m doing something slightly strenuous. Medication wise I was on amitriptyline and a strong antihistamine but I was just being knocked out, so I’m on 120mg propanolol and prochlorperazine for dizziness but they’re changing this as the main side effect is dizziness… They want to increase the propanolol again but I’ve had to do 7 days of blood pressure readings before they’ll give me another prescription and I’m suffering so badly. They’ve told me to not take over the counter medication anymore than twice a week but I’m also being told to take it for the pain in my jaw! I just want something that will help ease the symptoms so I can have a normal life.
I’m very aware I’m different now and it’s so upsetting. I’m worried about going out incase I have a weird moment (my head gets so bad its like it makes me twitch) or I get so dizzy and I can’t move. It’s embarrassing. Every other weekend I have my 3 step daughters come to us and I love them so much, but they’re young and loud and I have to force myself to be with them and go out with them when all I want to do is stay in bed and I can feel myself feeling snappy with them. As soon as I wake up I feel the brain fog and I’m sad, its a struggle to just get out of bed and I hate it! I never want to go out anywhere I just want to be home.
If I was able to I would probably never leave the house, I force myself to do things otherwise I know I’d never do them at all. I try to enjoy myself but I’m constantly thinking about how I’m going to feel after, is it going to be really bad? Am I acting weird? I hate it! I feel like all i do is moan about my head and how I’m feeling and I’m paranoid I’m being annoying to the people around me, I think I put on such a front that they don’t see how I’m really feeling, but I can’t be any other way it’s just how I am.
I have a MRI scan on the 28th July and Im more than sure it’ll be fine but it’s the last thing to do now and once that’s done I know I can fully concentrate on sorting myself.
Anyway thank you for reading this x