— Begin quote from “georgekoch”
OK, well, here’s the bulk of what’s happened since I was last here…
For reasons explained before, I decided to taper off benzos to see if the dizziness is still “real” MAV, or is now just a dependence symptom – a “MAV mimic.” Stranger things have happened with long-term benzo use, so I’m trying to sort out the variables.
In November I went to a psychiatrist who knows benzo tapers. I was on 2 mg Xanax, which = 40 mg Valium. So we did a crossover taper to Valium and I’m withdrawing that instead (longer half-life). Taking it quite slowly.
Oddly, for a long time (until maybe late February), it actually seemed to be working rather well. Felt less symptomatic, less dizziness, in general/overall.
I’m down to 11 mg, which is ~0.5 mg Xanax (1/4 of the dose I was on). But ever since hitting ~15 mg, it’s been a challenge. Admittedly I recently dealt with virus, then we just had a huge heat wave for 10+ days, etc. Each made matters worse at the time.
Still, dizziness seems increased as the drug decreases (below 15). Hard to know if it’s because (a) MAV’s still active, and the dose is no longer high enough to work well, or (b) because withdrawal is just never easy. Benzo withdrawals ARE pretty darn nasty for a lot of folks…
Maybe it’s both. Maybe I still have “active MAV” and the dizziness is being increased by the drug (and/or withdrawal). Either way, despite what many people say (incl. Dad, who’s sort of “it’s tough, but try to deal with/ignore it – don’t let it run your life”) … it’s NOT at the level where I can just “get over it,” etc. It can be quite incapacitating when it’s going full steam ahead so I’m not quite sure what I’ll do in the months to come as the dose lowers. Will the brain reprogram, or will I be up MAV River without a pill?
— End quote
It’s very hard to say what’s going on George. As you did hit a ‘sweet spot’ even while tapering off the Benzos that suggests to me (and I’m certainly not an expert) that perhaps your symptoms were not so much Benzo withdrawl but MAV after all. I agree with you that ‘toughing it out’ as your Dad suggests is not an option. I think all of us have a pretty clear idea of where our threshold is - some symptoms can certainly be uncomfortable but tolerable for ‘toughing it out’ but beyond that you’re pointlessly living in misery. I know you’ve had some issues with your folks before re getting them on board with what your dealing with so I do hope you seem some improvment there. Our condition is tough enough without the ‘get over it’ response.
